TRAILER REVIEW: STAR WARS- THE FORCE AWAKENS

I'm not sure what more you could ask for.

Starting with a downed Star Destroyer, this feels more like Star Wars than the last three Star Wars films did.

You have throwback voice-over. You have the classic rustic feel of the original trilogy. You have returning characters. You have a foreboding Vader reference. You have new blood. New vehicles. New character designs. And the return of Han and Chewie, and they actually feel like Han and Chewie.

This is what I've been saying since Disney made the Star Wars acquisition a couple years ago- they are going to do it right. Just like they are doing Marvel right.

Disney has set out to make Star Wars films. That is the key to profitability, and Disney knows it. Star Wars has a fan base built in that is as rabid, and judgmental, and nit-picky as any fan base in existence. And why not? The original mythology is stupendous and it was desecrated by Episodes 1-3. So when the House of Mouse pulled the trigger, it was easy to feel that trepidation.

But the worries were all for naught.

Look, I'm not a purebred Star Wars guy, so I don't really feel all that qualified to speak on the subject here. Just press play. And when the video stops, press play again.

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Follow Adrian on Twitter @AdrianAnyway 

ADRIAN FORT is a writer, blogger, and essayist from Kansas City, Missouri. Follow him on twitter @adriananyway. His work has appeared in Existere, decomP magazinE, The Bluest Aye, Bareback Magazine, Gadfly Online, Chrome Baby, The Eunoia Review, Linguistic Erosion, and Smashed Cat Magazine. His Master's Degree is from Lindenwood University. 


Movie Reviews: 
American Sniper
Cinderella (2015)
Get Hard

Other Reactions:
2015: A Very Marvel Happening
Amy Pascal Sacked
Aquaman Poster

Cinderella (2015): Or A Tale of Inspiration for Upper-Middle Class White Women

Disney is continuing their trend of double-popping stories that are largely someone else's by making them live-action. I'm not oppose to this. They switch up the story a bit, sprinkle in some ethnicity, and special effects are so good now that a remake actually makes sense to do.

But do they have to be so trite?

I know, I know, they are for children after all. Little girls, especially. Little white girls especially especially. Upper-middle class little white girls, especially especially especially. This version makes sure the target market feels nice and at-home with the story by exposing us in depth to the fact that Cinderella, or Ella as she was then known, was actually fairly well-to-do before all the Stepmother business. Her father did well enough as a merchant that the family had help. And Ella helped them whenever she saw fit. The family actually had so much help that mommy had little else to do besides give Ella a nice, loving childhood and make sure the little girl was superstitious enough to believe in magic and fairy godmothers and even white men that are richer than her father.

That's right, girls. The classic tale of looking just good enough for one night that you can trick a rich man into marrying you so that you don't have to work is incomparable by women's rights movements and growing poverty rates and Kenneth Branagh.

Speaking of Branagh, when is he going to stop getting a free pass based on the "scope of his vision"? He's been directing Shakespeare since the Reagan years. In fact, his directorial debut opened a couple weeks before the Velvet Revolution and the release of "The Little Mermaid."

Which brings us to the cast. Lily James is as boring as you could hope a Disney Princess would be. Also, eyebrows. Any amount of Helena Bonham Carter is overwrought. She's gone full Depp. Ben Chaplin, who plays Ella's father, looks like Antonio Banderas and Steve Coogan had a baby. Once I got over that fact, his eyes still creeped me out. For some reason, I feel like Richard Madden has only ever played a prince. Branagh is compelling as Iago. Sophie McShera and Holiday Grainger play the evil stepsisters Drisella and Anastasia respectively. Grainger's hair has more charisma than Lily James (eyebrows), and both sisters should have had more screen time.

But here's the real conundrum. Cate Blanchett stole the show as Cate Blanchett is one to do. But I wonder if there is something more going on here. In a movie which attempts to cash in on the emotional investment of childhood memory as oppose to building it fresh, the Big-Bad was genuinely a more compelling character. One written with more freedom. And acted in superior fashion. I wonder if this will only resonate with adults as children are so easily sold their stake in a protagonist.

There are some neat effects in the movie. Like a stomach-turning moment when a lizard is morphing into a footman which visually falls into the Uncanny Valley. Also, it was funny to hear the rich, white, twenty-something woman and her mother sitting next to me having such audible guttural reactions to a cheesy movie.

VERDICT: If this is your bag, you're going to see it and love it no matter how bad I tell you it is. If it's not your bag, take someone to see it, that way you don't have to see Avengers: Age of Ultron by yourself.

72/100


ADRIAN FORT is a writer, blogger, and essayist from Kansas City, Missouri. Follow him on twitter @adriananyway. His work has appeared in Existere, decomP magazinE, The Bluest Aye, Bareback Magazine, Gadfly Online, Chrome Baby, The Eunoia Review, Linguistic Erosion, and Smashed Cat Magazine. His Master's Degree is from Lindenwood University. 

OTHER MOVIE REVIEWS:
American Sniper

Get Hard

Amy Pascal Sacked

Amy Pascal is out at Sony.

If the Sony leaks were real (and no one made any real effort to play that part down) then Pascal was one of the main road blocks for Marvel sub-leasing Spider-Man into the MCU.

What does her departure mean? Well, hopefully, talks will resume with Marvel to get the webslinger into their Cinematic Universe.

It really would be a win-win proposition after the MISERABLE last outing for the character. Reports indicated that there was an 80/20 deal on the table for Marvel to produce/write/inform the new direction for the character in at least one movie and several MCU appearances. Reportedly it would have also meant a recasting of the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

(Post: 2015 Looks Massive for Nerds)

For Marvel it would be a win, simply because of another major face being on the landscape in their Cinematic Universe. Plus Sony sold the merchandising rights to Spider-Man a couple years ago and guess who bought them. Yup, Disney.

For Sony, it would be a win to give credibility back to a franchise that has been painful two of the last three times the character has been on the bigscreen. To steal a quote from Kevin Feige about the Hulk and how Joss Whedon would use him in The Avengers, "I want him to be cool again."

While Spider-Man's profitability is still not in question, the last three Spider-Man movies have all crossed the $700 billion mark and the franchise still averages $790+ worldwide, the cool factor is definitely wearing out. Who hasn't made an Emo Parker dance joke?

There's only one thing left to do....twitter mob. Let's all promise #Sony that we'll see 5 Sony films at the theater this year so long as they go take Marvel up on the offer.

Daredevil: Take That DC

Well...there's blood...

It looks like Marvel is doing the exact opposite of DC on the smallscreen too. Well, as long as you discount Agents of Shield and the Peggy Carter deal, anyway, which are every bit as corny as the Arrow show. And though there is minimal corny in this trailer, there is still some cheese. How overwrought is the idea of a hero being so dedicated to his city? 

This looks to be how Marvel is countering the "soft and fluffy" accusations coming from baseball-cap-wearing, five-o'clock-shadow-keeping, 140-pound-affliction-shirt-wearing Zack Snyder fans and Christopher Nolan apologists. 

It's dark. Real dark. So dark it's like they are purposely trying to get you to forget red-leather clad Ben Affleck by making you think of all-black clad Batfleck. And if you're trying to reboot a superhero, why not try to invoke thoughts of one of the most popular heroes of all time? 

More than that though, this seems to be it's own brand when compared to the rest of the Marvel stuff. And that makes me wonder if maybe they're setting up something bigger. The same way they did with Iron Man. Could this be the start of the street-level heroes?

Reports are that Marvel is the proud new owner of the Ghost Rider (another superhero in desperate need of rebranding...) and the Punisher (who has some cult success with his movies.) Could this be the beginning of The Marvel Knights? Jessica Jones, Luke Cage and Iron Fist have already been announced for their Netflix run.

(Post: Spider-Man to Marvel Rumors Again...

I've been clamoring for Moon Knight to be added to the MCU for the better part of five years now, but if Marvel brings him to Netflix, well, I just may have to sign up for an account. 

Daredevil and Ghost Rider have already seen big screen adaptations come and fail. Is Netflix a better home for the properties? Many fans had hoped that Luke Cage, Iron Fist and (pleasepleaseplease) Moon Knight would see the silver screen. We know that the ABC shows share full crossover with the MCU, but where do the Netflix series stand? And could we see any of these characters in the Avengers: Infinity War movies? 

This post is brought to you by Ben Affleck's Kristen Stewart face. Hopefully he closes his damn mouth once in a while while playing Batman, huh?

ADRIAN FORT is a writer, blogger, and essayist from Kansas City, Missouri. Follow him on twitter @adriananyway. His work has appeared in Existere, decomP magazinE, The Bluest Aye, Bareback Magazine, Gadfly Online, Chrome Baby, The Eunoia Review, Linguistic Erosion, and Smashed Cat Magazine. His Master's Degree is from Lindenwood University. 

2015 CBM Preview: A Very Marvel Happening

May 1st: AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON

The Players: Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Widow, The Vision, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Ultron, The Klaw? Probably cameos as well.

What to look for: Awesomeness. Just sit back, relax, and soak it in, baby. There really isn't any reason to question Whedon at this point, and after basking in the greatness that was The Avengers, the only question I have is whether I can rent a loft in the theater. The tone does look to be different in this film than the first one. Perhaps a touch of Tony Stark attempting redemption and failing? This would lead nicely into the Civil War story line, and set him up as a sympathetic villain instead of trying to make Marvel's most profitable character take a straight heel turn. Plus, sympathetic villains are better.

The Buzz: Massive.

Should you see it? Only if you value having me in your life.

Trailer Review: Here

July 17th: ANTMAN

The Players: Antman, Yellow Jacket, Peggy Carter, The Wasp?

What to look for: Marvel is touting this as the last movie in Phase Two. Why isn't this the first movie in Phase 3? Can Paul Rudd (abs) pull off the superhero deal? It appears that Marvel is trying to bring characters back into the center of these movies instead of the OHMYGODTHEWORLDISENDING calamity. So, kudos. But Antman following the biggest ever superhero movie ever in the history of ever? We'll see.

The Buzz: This movie is Edgar Wrightless. I don't know if you heard. So there was all that drama. But was the movie salvaged?

Should you see it? Benefit of doubt. Yes, it's Marvel.

Trailer Review: Here

Aug 7th: FANTASTIC FOUR

The Players: Mr. Fantastic, The Human Torch, The Thing, Invisible Woman, Doom

What to look for: Potential. The first franchise was miserable. This time around, they are taking a much different approach with the property. I think it's safe to say that there will not be an Invisible Woman stripping on the bridge scene in this franchise. In fact, the tone of the trailer makes Nolan's Batman franchise look like a RomCom. They've rolled the dice here. Either this thing hits, or it's hard to imagine Marvel does not get the rights back to the Fantastic 4.

The Buzz: Yikes. Doom is a blogger and the director is always drunk. That's the word on the street anyway.

Should you see it? Wait to see what people are saying on this one.

Trailer Review: Here

December 18th: STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS

The Players: Luke Skywalker, Hans Solo, Leia, Weird new people

What to look for: Disney bought Marvel for $4bil and Fantasia'd that into, well, something to Marvel at. The MCU has already had twom movies crack the billion dollar mark, and there's no reason to think that they won't have a third this summer. Can they work the same magic with a Star Wars property that's not as shiny as it once was?

The Buzz: Shhh.... There is an M Night Shyamalan type of secrecy surrounding this project. Also, I heard Luke is really dead the whole time. And water killed him. And it takes place on earth. And pollution.

Should you see it? For a movie that is promising to be the Iron Man 1 of a new Star Wars continuum? Sure.

SUMMARY: I may or may not be a Disney shareholder. This summer may or may not make me happy on several levels.


ADRIAN FORT is a writer, blogger, and essayist from Kansas City, Missouri. Follow him on twitter @adriananyway. His work has appeared in Existere, decomP magazinE, The Bluest Aye, Bareback Magazine, Gadfly Online, Chrome Baby, The Eunoia Review, Linguistic Erosion, and Smashed Cat Magazine. His Master's Degree is from Lindenwood University.